there you have it. inner thoughts.

is everything all they appear to be?
all the past memories
the things people say
the things they do
are they still valid now?

but when i apply those to the same circumstance
or almost the same anyway
they contradict
totally.
maybe it's just that the persona is different.
or the few months made them more patient
or whatever.

but it still hurts.
the irony of the words said and the actions made today.
no matter what is done to make amends
it doesn't help.

and i can't help feeling.
these were all mine.
these could all still be mine.
and all shattered like that
one fine day
when no one noticed
and everyone were straining to witness the latest scandal
in a period of tears and accusation
a period of denial and defence
they were gone from my life.

the gist of the sms
the meaning of it
the phrase during the conversation
they're still carved on my heart.
you won't believe how much it still hurts.

in a moment of angst
hatred is formed
it's mine
it should be mine
i feel as if someone ripped a part of me and happily proclaimed it theirs
and left me with nothing.

i crawled back on my feet alone
and suffered by myself.
maybe some people like to spend time in solitude.
but i guess i had enough of that for the time being.

i am stronger
and i guess i have them to thank for it.
but no.
i still feel unjustified.

::12:54 AM::